Im at a loss for words right now...
How can something that was once so great and amazing turn into hell over the course of a few months???
What am I doing so terribly wrong that is making this happen?
I have always had this big perspective, or dream, that I would go to college, be a dance team member or twirlerm fall in love, get my degree, start a career, get engaged, get married, have a great marriage, have 3 great kids, and grow old with my lover and be happy... IN THAT ORDER!!!.. I know life is not perfect and everyone encounters conflict, but this is beyond conflict! This is a never ending cycle of crap!
I graduated HS, was in a bad relationship, went to community college met a guy got engaged, he joined the military, I went a semester at a college I loved, then packed up and moved thousands of miles away to be with him, giving up everything I wanted, including my family and friends so he could have his career, switched to online classes, got pregnant, moved down here to GA, and now get to deal being a house wife, soon to be mom, and slave to my unappreciative husband who cant even hang up a towl after a shower.... I also get ignored 98% of the time due to his stupid video gaming habits and if i try to make conversation while hes playing... then Im nagging (According to him)
In the last 6 months I have been told:
Shut the F* Up
He didnt want a kid
We have nothing in common
he's only with me cuz of the baby
he loves me
Im lazy (even though i go to school full time to where my gpa is awesome, do all the house work, etc)
he brings home the money and I do nothing (even though house work and waiting on him and gonna be mom is NOTHING .... NOT)
and tons more...
We have faught to the point where spilting up has came up a few times...I have tried to leave.. it doesnt work.. Im soo tired of trying to work stuff out with someone doesnt appreciate anything I do and just puts me down all the time...
I know I deserve better than this...
but Im at a loss of what to do..
Yes I am living off his money.. but I do not buy stuff for myself at all,,,, i use the money to pay OUR bills and to buy OUR groceries and that is it!!! I do not spend $$ on extras...
If i leave I have no $$$ to go anywhere and no car or anything... but if i stay i get put down and critized constantly and am depressed and alone thousands of miles away from any real friends or family...
LIFE SUCKS..... I just want to feel loved and appreciated for who I am as a person! I want someone to love me for ME and my traits.. not what they WANT me to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Where's the silver lining?
Right now, my life feels full of lemons and the lemonade machine is BROKEN!
There are so many issues making me unhappy right now and Im complete lost at what to do about them.
1.) my husband: all we do is fight constantly about everything, he critizes me 24/7 without even realizing it, which is bringing me down. He also is overly obsessed with the game WOW, which is causes him to ignore me and but me and everyone else on the back burner. I honestly feel as if we dont even know each other anymore...
2.) The my hubbies career in the Air Force--- As much as I know my hubbie wants to stay in for the next 20 yrs to retire, i honestly dunno if i can stand it that long... he still has 5 yrs to go for this enlistment and im miserable... we have a baby on the way and are stationed 1200+ miles from any family and it sucks. I am a very family oriented person and want to be close to them and visit them as much as i can, where as the hubbie pretty much raised himself all his life and could care less about family and being so far away
3.) Im sick of not being able to be my own person b/c of the hubbie.. for instance.. i got some money in the mail for my bday and wanted to get my haircut and get a new purse.. and all he did the whole time was complain that i was NOT cutting my hair (i did anyways) and that i did NOT need a new purse... yett... my hubbie HAD to have a bow, and HAD to have a new computer and a ps3 and a big tv etc.
4.) Im sick of competing with a effing video game! World of Warcraft is evil... it consumes all my husband's time and energy when he is not at work.. he is on during his lunch break, then from the time he gets home till he goes to bed, then all weekend... if i try to say anything to him he gets mad.. i get ignored alll the time... im sick of it.. he needs to stop putting fam on the bottom of his list...
5.) Im soo tired and miserable from being pregnant... 7 more weeks to go... uggg
6.) Im soo sick of this AF base... i havent really met any friends and I miss my friends from MS and from back home in KS more than ever...
7.) Im tired of being under appreciated in my own house even though i do not have an actual job.
So basically im completely sick and tired of everything... I am normally a positive type of person... looking at the bright side of things... but one can only take so much before going insane...
is all this crap worth it.. i mean I gave up everything, all my dreams etc, all so my hubbie could fulfill his with his air force career,,, and i get treated like crap...
sometimes i wonder what life would be like if i had done things differently..... guess im just stuck though...
----sincerely hoping for better days ahead
Ashley
There are so many issues making me unhappy right now and Im complete lost at what to do about them.
1.) my husband: all we do is fight constantly about everything, he critizes me 24/7 without even realizing it, which is bringing me down. He also is overly obsessed with the game WOW, which is causes him to ignore me and but me and everyone else on the back burner. I honestly feel as if we dont even know each other anymore...
2.) The my hubbies career in the Air Force--- As much as I know my hubbie wants to stay in for the next 20 yrs to retire, i honestly dunno if i can stand it that long... he still has 5 yrs to go for this enlistment and im miserable... we have a baby on the way and are stationed 1200+ miles from any family and it sucks. I am a very family oriented person and want to be close to them and visit them as much as i can, where as the hubbie pretty much raised himself all his life and could care less about family and being so far away
3.) Im sick of not being able to be my own person b/c of the hubbie.. for instance.. i got some money in the mail for my bday and wanted to get my haircut and get a new purse.. and all he did the whole time was complain that i was NOT cutting my hair (i did anyways) and that i did NOT need a new purse... yett... my hubbie HAD to have a bow, and HAD to have a new computer and a ps3 and a big tv etc.
4.) Im sick of competing with a effing video game! World of Warcraft is evil... it consumes all my husband's time and energy when he is not at work.. he is on during his lunch break, then from the time he gets home till he goes to bed, then all weekend... if i try to say anything to him he gets mad.. i get ignored alll the time... im sick of it.. he needs to stop putting fam on the bottom of his list...
5.) Im soo tired and miserable from being pregnant... 7 more weeks to go... uggg
6.) Im soo sick of this AF base... i havent really met any friends and I miss my friends from MS and from back home in KS more than ever...
7.) Im tired of being under appreciated in my own house even though i do not have an actual job.
So basically im completely sick and tired of everything... I am normally a positive type of person... looking at the bright side of things... but one can only take so much before going insane...
is all this crap worth it.. i mean I gave up everything, all my dreams etc, all so my hubbie could fulfill his with his air force career,,, and i get treated like crap...
sometimes i wonder what life would be like if i had done things differently..... guess im just stuck though...
----sincerely hoping for better days ahead
Ashley
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